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I simply love coming back home

Bye bye, my academic career

“Arjuna, you need to act without any attachment to the fruit of your efforts.”

Bhagavad Gītā

I am suffering from this unbearable indecisiveness of mine. Another big decision to make is waiting for me - to proceed with my study or not to? 

It's not up to me, actually, others are going to decide it soon, but if they come up with the conclusion that I can continue, will I? Should I?

I have been thinking about it, dreaming about it, counting the pros and cons, observing my feelings about it...ugh.

I have spent more than 5 years doing the research more or less intensively.  Less intensively in the last three years, I have to admit. I could describe in details, how does it look like and what does it mean to do a doctoral degree in Czech. No excuses I want to make, NOT anymore,  it's just the way it's. 

The only thing I am sure about right now is the realization of how much I do love geography. I love how it follows me as my shadow everywhere I go, naturally, of course, it is a spatial discipline, right:-)?!! I look through the eyes of a geographer on every single place I visit, I live, I feel, perceive.. I love reading the amazing work of other geographers and find it astoundingly inspiring! But I am not the one, who would or should be writing those articles, I think. I have to overcome my ego finally and admit to myself that my place is on the other side.
... realizing that, I feel sad, like I have wasted all that time, energy and  money!!! and  my ego is SO much  strugling for its nutriment!

But despite the fact, it took me more than five years to become aware of it, I can say now how much grateful I am for all that time, energy and money I gave away while doing my research. 

I visited places, which have brought along the most beautiful memories, nobody can ever steal that from me. I met so many wonderful people while traveling and doing my field  surveys, some of whom I became very close to. It even opened me to traveling in general, to not be afraid of unknow, to learn more about myself and last but not least - it gave me a very specific perspective of looking at the world around me, which I really like. 

All of these things would never happened if I did not enroll to my study programe. Of course, it also cost me a lot of money, a lot of effort which was partialy wasted, but that is all just about the point of view, priorities,  right?
...what is more important - money or friends and wonderful experience I've got? 

Althought I've decided to fight until the very last moment, I know very well, that if there's no miracle coming my way soon, I won't make it. I won't earn the doctorate from Human Geography in the future, I reckon. 

But I am ok with that now, because I know I am a human geographer anyway.

james knows...

Everything feels like touchdown on a rainy day…

The great mix of sense of  a glow, alienation, victory, happiness,... so much of a contradiction ..

My heart giving a slap to my brain in one moment and the brain striking back in the next... Lots of dirtiness around being washed by the rain of spotlessness and naivety. 

All over again and again…

Never ending feeling of a touchdown on a rainy day.

the last memorable highlight ....

...was the presence of this foxy lady

???Summer nightmare???

I am going to visit Copenhagen, Gothenburg, Vienna, Rome, Dublin and Berlin in the next two months.

Tame Impala are on their european tour in this time period and I won't be able to see their gig in any of these cities...!!!!!!!The same for Woodkid and James Blake...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Bummer!!!!!!! I'd call it "when-your-timing-sucks summer"....

Are there still walls...?

where a commecial ad should not be put on?

Milano, Duomo

could you, please, explain me?

What is that part of men's nature that makes them think a woman is someone who is only capable of taking minutes, translating documents, just simply doing all the work they would not bother with?

What is that stupid part of women's nature that makes us persuaded, that we cannot (shouldnt) fight for ourselves and deep deep inside makes us go with what our mothers once told us - always be NICE?

Those two questions are based on my recent personal research among my friends and co-workers. I am not complaining, I am simply asking for explanation.

Apparently, most of the men I know are not aware of their modus operandi until I explain and describe it...same thing with women..
So after I'd seen them all nodding and confirming what I was talking about, I had to ask> what does make us behave these ways?

The answer could be - it is the place we live in. The countries of western Europe are much more developed in the respect of gender equality issues. Are they? Truly? I think so. Even though the process of gender equalization's started there as an imposed one, it was simply a qestion of a law acceptance ...a law which became natural to people  after while, I guess.

Well, I have been waiting here..., the law addressing gender equality was implemented  three years ago in Czech and I cant see even  a slight improvement, not at all.


Sitting with 18 people (5 women) people in the room the other day. I had the opportunity to observe, how do men react on the gender inequality issues in this country.
As one of them was asking for cooperation in the project which would attract more women to the environmental research, a half of the men in that room started laughing... some of them said that there was no benefit of having more women in that particular field of research ....And  women? They were sitting there, being ....all NICE...

I have this kind of experience on daily basis. I am not saying I know the solution. I want to say only one thing. Men should once try to find out more about what are the obstacles for women to get our dream jobs, dream results, our dream salaries and dream reputation.

It can be very easily you, gentlemen!

gah

I wanna go out and see the SUN! Streets flourishing and parks being all green.

Wanna hear birds singing when I  wake up in the morning. Ride my bike and watch guys being all axcited as they look  at the girls wearing short skirts again.

Wanna take care of my small garden on the balcony, drink my morning cup of coffee there and feel the midday sun warming every inch of my body. 

Wanna sit on the patio of my fav café with my friends all night and complain about this summer to be way too hot.

Two days ago, I said to my friend:"Ok, that's it. If I see another snowflake again, I am going to move out of this country"

Here I am, after two days of constant snowing, trying to chose a new place I wanna live in....

Why perspective matters...

.....especially when it's snowing heavily

While waiting for the green light at the crosswalk a homeless woman approached me.

She said:"What a weather, huh"?

I, being in a very good mood, replied: Yes, it's awesome, right???!"

"You should try to sleep outdoors" she said...

...and what about your sankalpa?

I am back. Rather, my body is back, my mind is still floating above the water table  of the holy Ganga River.

Well, I've had one of the best times in my life indeed...

For me, Rishikesh is one of the most remarkable places I've ever visited. Not for the amazing scenery, cheap yoga stuff, tasty food, fresh juices or incredibly good ayurvedic massages...Those are things I could find in many other places in the world, I guess... The very rare thing that Rishikesh can be proud of, is the omnipresent peacefulness. Something what seems to be appearing less and less around the globe...

"No meat, no alcohol law" is the thing which makes this place so appealing for living. I am not saying that there is no meat and alcohol at all, I only say that the calm streets (calm in the Indian way) of Rishikesh give you the impression that people and nature coexist in a perfect balance here. The way people treat all those animals living around (even those often aggressive monkeys) is just awesome! Moreover, watching those animals to live their life is one of the most relaxing things I've done in ages...

I've spent a very short time here, time in which you cannot really decide whether a place is a good for life or not. I feel I could live here forever though...

One thing I can be sure of is that I was given the best lectures on yoga practicing I could get. I've got what I came for. I am more than grateful for that, especially since I know that many other people who came to Rishikesh for the same purpose ended up to be very disappointed. I am not talking only about the complexity my daily program had, but much more about the motivation and inspiration it gave me in general. Even though I am still far away from becoming a real yogi, I feel like I am a small step further on my way and that counts.

There is one thing I wasn't that much aware of before I left home.

Love.

All those people I've met in India were literally "packed" with love. I will never forget about them, I know that, I feel that, I am sure about that... I had never experienced something like that before, it was so overwhelming...
I am an Aquarius, I know, I tend to idealize things. But as I reckon, sometimes, my idealism can be a true gift. Maybe I just needed to feel love all around so I took as much of it as I could...But more likely, Rishikesh is a very special place, because I was not the only one who felt it...

To all those people who are complaining that there is no more any authenticity of yoga in Rishikesh...

I'd like to remind you that the very essential feature of a spiritual life can be only found by turning inward. If you look for something like that, stop using your senses, stop looking for something external and realize that there is only one place where everything can be found...

I felt so much of a positive energy in the last day of my staying. I was a bit sad about leaving all those amazing people behind and coming back home though...

I decided to go by a taxi to Delhi, not to fly... It is a 230 km-long way which took us 10 hours. Yes, hard to believe that, but this is India, people, cars and trash everywhere. The journey was tough, but the dust, smog, busy traffic and driving in the Delhi's highway opposite traffic line are not even mentionable...

The journey could be simply described as an "Indian misery packed in 10-hour-long drive" for different reasons...
I won’t  support this romantic image about traveling in India we often have.
Yes, you may come back with awesome pictures full of colors, smiling people and cheeky monkeys, but it is just a little part of the story, isn't it?

I was full of positive thoughts, full of energy when I was closing the door of my room in Rishikesh for the last time. At the very beginning of that journey, I promised myself to look at the scenery in the positive way and try to focus on nice things around. But you simply cannot neglect it. You cannot force yourself not to see what is out there, behind the windows of your fancy taxi car.

When you are someone who was studying development studies, you can get a picture in advance, you know it might be harsh...But there is nothing like being prepared for that. You just have to see it with your own eyes. ...And be sure, you won't wash it away with your tears. Forget about that.

What I have seen during those 10 hours? Do you know those touristic ads Incredible India? Well, I have seen incredible India. So incredible that it could be very unpleasant to see it for some people from the developed countries, I am sure about that. We often close our eyes because we don’t want to see that this world is interconnected to such an extent that somehow we are part of this Indian misery, we are contributing to it. I contribute to it too and that make me sad. But is it enough of sadness to start doing something about it?

There is no point in describing it. I only wish everyone could go and spend at least those 10 hours there. I would be so happy if we all could start to think more about our lives, change our perspective...

We are human beings; we have the chance to decide about our lives, to do it in a very smart way, consider other human beings, their needs and give love as well as receive it... This kind of perspective I am talking about.

I met an amazing man in Delhi, who is a photographer and he said something what I still have to think about. He said: "I take photos of people's decadence; I wanna show how bad we can be". Isn't it obvious, omnipresent wherever we look? Why somebody has to remind us by taking photos of it ? And why it is so hard to rather start looking for the loving creatures in us in the first place?

It happens to me. I am always over-emotinal when I come back either from Kyrgyzstan or India. It will fade away...but I wish I could keep it forever and contribute somehow to this world becoming a better world. Idealism? No. I just believe in us. Because if you look at our thoughts, it doesn't matter where you live, LA or Rishikesh. We all have the same simple wish.

ॐ सर्वे भवन्तु सुखिन , सर्वे सन्तु निरामया, सर्वे भद्राणि पश्यन्तु, मा कश्चिद्दुःखभाग्भवेत्, ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्ति

I recommend this as it was recommended to me before:-)

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2008/sep/20/fiction

This feels like being home...Is it even possible?

honestly...

This year's started with the accurate amount of honesty of mine...As a result, I quit the job I didn´t like at all and I fall asleep alone. Yep, again. Except that this time, it's exactly what I wanted and needed. Being all happy that at the very end I was so well understood, I think of....
...What's a single, thirty-year-old girl (almost!) looking forward to better times to do?

Airtickets in my pocket, visa arranged. Cannot wait to sit on the Ganga's riverside again... ~ 

Almost would forget...
As for the presidential elections... Did I acted as a sheeple? No.
I did have a strategy, yes, but it doesn't neccessarily mean that my vote contributed to this democracy's  denial everybody's now talking about. I  perceived the possible chance of Zeman sitting in the Prague Castle as the biggest threat to our democracy, as a matter of fact. ..that' s why I voted with my head and not with my heart!...

~

Gosh, I think of this place way too much...I should come back some day soon...
 

Schiermonnikoog island 2010

 

What I just have realized...

I appreciate when people end up a relationship with the same kind of politeness they started it with.

 

 

ON BEAUTY

....

All these things have you said of beauty.

Yet in truth you spoke not of her but of needs unsatisfied,

And beauty is not a need but an ecstasy.

It is not a mouth thirsting nor an empty hand stretched forth,

But rather a heart enflamed and a soul enchanted.

It is not the image you would see nor the song you would hear,

But rather an image you see though you close your eyes and a song you hear though you shut your ears.

It is not the sap within the furrowed bark, nor a wing attached to a claw,

But rather a garden for ever in bloom and a flock of angels for ever in flight.

People of Orphalese, beauty is life when life unveils her holy face.

But you are life and you are the veil.

Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror.

But you are eternity and your are the mirror.

Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

 

 

 

° I don't know whether is this the right explanation...

 I only know what beauty isn't  °
 

 

 

 

two faces of Brno

lovely vegetable market
 Saturday morning 

welcome in hell
Saturday morning one week later 

....

It's familiar to most of us. Sometimes, we surprise ourself while talking the same way as our parents, giving the same phrases or just saying them in the same tone of voice as our mother or father.  It can be pleasant, funny, sometimes it can scare the hell out of you, though. 

This does not apply only to my parents , but also to other people once involved in my life.
It depends on what they've said or on the way they've done it.

I remember the most significant sentences, dialogues ... For some reason, I recall those with the negative subjects mostly, because it hurt me...
Some of them sound in my ears even after years and I cannot get rid of them...

And I wonder whether my voice saying something meaningful or hurtful does sound in someone else's ears this way too...

I hope not.

I 

will

do

my

best

to

not 

end 

up 

saying 

things 

I 

once 

didn't 

want 

to 

hear 

myself...

l l a f | f a l l

...don't wanna stop flying!

I lost two earrings last week...
First of them was a beautiful black origami bird....
The second one, an earring made of fine brown feathers...
I hate myself for being so distracted....plus
Is there any hidden meaning, sign?... as both of them were somehow related to birds and feathers, should I be afraid? Somebody wants to clip my wings?